Just set up a Facebook page. Does that make me legit?
If you are so inclined, go here and ‘like’ me.
I intend to use that page in a more conversational way, so feel free to post questions, comments, kindnesses, etc. on the wall over there.
At some point there may be contests or giveaways or quizzes. Who knows what I’ll do? I’m crazy like that.
Ok, seriously, please just like me.
Thanks.
Squirt wears reading glasses now. I am sad that he needs them, but I love me a baby in glasses. So adorable. He could get away with damn near anything if he has those glasses on.
CW: If I make it to Costco tomorrow, anyone need anything? (I’m talking to you for sure, John.)
Michelle: I need produce. Can I go?
Jennifer: I’ll send you my list.
Jennifer: Or should I brave it with the Hubby tomorrow.
Kari: I want the triple chocolate ghiradelli brownie mix.
John: ah yes mam, thank you for asking, i could use a couple of things:
1) the soul of a white whale, they store it by the cottage cheese because it has to stay cold and resembles cottage cheese
2) a bakers dozen of the 4′ hot dogs
3)200lbs of pizza… rolls, I’m having a function, you’re not invited
4) 7.5 tons of that the guilt free ice cream, i know it only comes in the 3 ton size but if you could get them to put 1/6 of the 3rd container into resealable qrt size sandwich bags it will save me some time.
5) a bamboo spatula, like panda’s use
6) 43 cartons of eggs, preferably farm raised, you might have to ask for those special
7) a goats head, has to be fresh, if its not fresh i don’t want it, are we clear?
8) the internal workings of a Swiss coo coo clock
9) gravity
10) some more bugle boy shorts, i like the ones you got me the last time, that was a sweet surprise
11) former first lady Nancy Reagan’s book “The art of mastering sudoku”
12) some soup, you pick.
that’s all, thanks again, drive safe.
Tara: @John. U are my shopping list HERO! Do you think you might come up with one more list? Things for us mamas to buy stuck at home with children for YET another snow day! I know we could all use your guidance!
And yes, John, I would like to know what would be on your list of us mamas stuck at home with the shorties? And does anyone else have any useful suggestions? How about a fantastic or unusual Costco purchase?
Boo is attending a new school. Though it was really a hard decision. On one hand, I adored his teachers. And so did he. They are two of the most amazing women especially with children. On the other hand, it was tied to the church that had treated us in a way I found completely unjust. So after much discussion, the Detective and I decided we couldn’t in good conscience keep Boo in that school. If I didn’t feel comfortable being there, how could I send my child there? So we found another school. And Boo wasn’t happy. He didn’t want to change schools. He didn’t want to leave his teachers. He didn’t want to leave his best friends. We kept him out for a week and a half. He was able to spend some alone time with me (a hot commodity in a family with 3 shorties) and thankfully, fortunately, by the end of that time he was asking to go to his new school.
I officially resigned from the moms’ group that I was coordinator of and revoked our membership from the church. I am without religion. For now at least. Though I am not without faith. I have faith in so many things. You, me, my family, goodness, happiness, kindness. I have faith in those things. Though not church or religion. Not right now. Maybe sometime.
I think Boo is having an easier time adjusting than I am. He is going on different days which throws me off a bit, but mostly I miss my friends. I miss hanging out at drop off or grabbing a coffee or going to one of our houses. I miss watching my son play with his friends. I miss his teachers. I miss my mama friends. I miss the ease with which we could just be together. I miss the way things were.
But I do not regret any of it. I do not doubt myself or my family. I do not have second thoughts.
I realize that some will say this situation was self-inflicted, that I brought it upon us by writing what I wrote. And I agree, partially.I do not believe that we should remain silent about things we find objectionable. Especially big things. Like bullying. I don’t think we have to wait until the bullying gets so bad that it is too late. I don’t believe we wait until someone is emotionally broken or physically wounded, or thinking there is no way out, no help.
I do not believe that anyone should remain silent simply to not rock the boat. The boat is meant to be rocked sometimes. That is how things change, how things become different, how they become better.
Should I have forbidden Boo from being what he wanted to be for Halloween? No.
Should I have smiled and said nothing when people made rude, disapproving comments? No.
Should I have allowed the church to do what it did without making my voice heard? No.
I don’t believe it is ok to stand idly by, and I hope I am teaching my shorties the same thing. There has been much talk about the three groups of people; bullies, victims, and bystanders. I propose a fourth group; those that stand up. Those that allow their voices to be heard, that give a voice to the victims. Those that will take a chance to stop the bullies. Those that will stand up for and stand by the victims. Those that will motivate the bystanders to not stand idly by.Those that will say enough is enough.
I hope that I am in that fourth group.
And I hope that you are too.
Let me be very clear, this is not a manifesto against organized religion, church, Christianity, its various denominations, etc. This is about a singular event, the repercussions it has had on me and my family, and the fact that bullying can come from just about anywhere.
If you are unfamiliar with this blog or need a refresher, I encourage you to go back and read this post, My Son Is Gay.
So here we go. These are the facts that lead up to this rant:
Here’s the timeline of events involving the church:
10/29/10 Halloween party at preschool
11/02/10 Published blog post.
11/04/10 Blog picked up by national and international print, broadcast, and digital outlets. Goes viral
11/05/10 Call from Pastor at church
11/06/10 Pastor met with Elders from church to discuss my “spiritual care” and decided I had broken 8th Commandment by bearing false witness
11/08/10 Text from Pastor while we were in NYC for Today Show
11/09/10 Call from Pastor to schedule a meeting
11/10/10 Meeting in Pastor’s office, Squirt, my youngest, was present
2.5-month window with little to no contact
01/26/11 2nd and final meeting in Pastor’s office
My blog post was calling out the actions of a few people that said some unkind things in front of my son. I asked for love and tolerance. Was I angry? Yes. I feel I had a right to be. Did I bear false witness? No. I spoke out against bullying. Now I am getting bullied from church.
The first time Pastor contacted me was a few days after the Halloween post. He wanted to discuss my “spiritual care.” It was immediately clear that I was being viewed as having done something very wrong. Our initial conversation was me being called “defensive,” “vindictive,” “disrespectful,” “prideful,” and told that I “crossed a line.” I was told I needed to do penance. I was not asked about how Boo was doing.
The second discussion was a face-to-face meeting during which Squirt was present. I was handed a printout of the church’s response. There had been a meeting with some Elders, and they decided I’d broken the 8th Commandment and not followed Matthew 18. I was told that some members were worried that I was “promoting gayness.” I don’t even know what that means. The words I had written were not promoting anything other than unconditional love and tolerance. My post was about bullying and how my son was treated. My post was about a 5-year-old child. Pastor said he “tried to be mad at me, but couldn’t.” I didn’t and don’t understand why he would want to be mad at me. Again, Boo’s well-being was not mentioned.
More than 2 months later, I was called in for another meeting. Upon arriving, he started talking about my need to apologize to the women I had slandered. He read aloud to me from a brochure on Peacemaking, underscoring the fact that I needed to apologize. I disagreed. I reminded him that the only mention of ABC I have made since that Halloween post was saying that I didn’t harbor ill will towards them and that moment should not define their lives.
For an hour and a half he spoke to me as if this was my fault, that I had misconstrued what was said that morning in front of my son, that I “had taken offense where none was intended.” I told him that the comments those mothers made that morning were judgmental and offensive. He continued to accuse me of libel and slander, told me I didn’t have a “free ride to talk about others,” and that I needed to apologize and reconcile.
I was offered 4 steps to restore my relationships with Moms ABC:
When I asked what happens if I couldn’t do those things I was handed a final page that had already been prepared regarding my unwillingness to repent and what the ramifications of that would be. My punishment was to be disallowed from receiving Communion, and if I were to continue to not seek forgiveness, I may be removed from the congregation and not be able to transfer to another church in our denomination in good standing (which feels like the harshest punishment a modern-day pastor can dole out.). It felt like an ultimatum. I pointed out the hypocrisy of the entire conversation, mentioned that Boo had been forgotten in all of this, said the meeting was over, and walked out.
I did call someone higher up in the church a couple of days later to ask what the process is if you have an issue with your pastor. A few hours after that call, I received an email from Pastor saying he reconsidered the withholding of Communion and that the final handout was not meant as an ultimatum. The man I’d spoken to on the phone was carbon copied.
I responded on Monday 01/31/11. Much of this post came from that letter. I haven’t heard from them since.
I cannot tell you the betrayal I feel. The church, or at the very least Pastor is trying to bully me into shutting up, and I find that so disheartening. I am floored by the fact that they’ve gone to so much trouble regarding a post that discusses love and tolerance that was posted 3 months ago. I am shocked that they do not see the hypocrisy of what they are saying to me. I am in complete disbelief that this has been handled in the way it has. I have never felt less welcome in a church.
This is not the church that I grew up in. This is not the God that I know.
And again I say to you that bullying is not okay, even if you wrap it in a bow and call it ‘spiritual care.’
