The other night Peanut and I were watching a random episode of Project Runway [don't hate]. Actually I walked in the living room and looked up at the TV to see a commercial for a made for TV Lifetime Original. I asked Peanut what she was doing. She said she was watching PR. Anyway, we used to be religious about it and watch it on the nights that the Detective is working or out on the town [read: most nights], but we haven’t gotten into it much since it moved over to the lady channel.
Which brings me to the point of this post [about time]. During one of the breaks there was a commercial for Juntos, which we all know is Spanish for “inappropriarte information to give to a 10 year old.”
So it is going ON and ON and ON and I am just sitting there waiting for Peanut to ask me, “WTF?” only, you know, in a way that a fourth grader would. I am pretty sure the commercial was about an hour and fifteen minutes long.
It had a lot to say about dryness and moistness and lady things.
And pleasure. *sigh.
And I am sweating balls. Ok, not balls. [Can chicks sweat balls?] Whatever, so I’m am really trying to figure out what to say. We have already had the basic sex talk. She knows the names of parts and that Part A fits in with Part 2 etc. And that is how babies are made. I try not to get all freaked out about the basics but what the hell am I supposed to say about PERSONAL FREAKING LUBRICANT! I was dying.
And then finally, slowly, an end to my torment.
She looks over at me. A confused look on her brow. Her mouth starts to open. The words begin to tumble out. A bead of sweat slowly rolls down my face.
“Mom, what’s…”
Oh God! What do I say? Where is the remote? Why didn’t I change the channel? This is it. I am about to discuss vaginal moisture with my daughter.
“Mom, what’s for dinner?”
