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Copyright
Unless otherwise attributed, the posts on this blog were written by and belong to me. 2006-2011 All photos, unless otherwise attributed, are property of me. Do not use without permission.
confessions (via twitter)
- Didn't do a damn bit of shopping today, but do plan to hit some lical stores tomorrow. #SmallBusinessSaturday 1 hour ago
- @Bookgirl96 Yep, but couldn't put up with it any longer. Some people just flat out suck sometimes. 7 hours ago
- @Bookgirl96 Peanut just left her competitive soccer team of several years because two of the girls/families were awful people. 7 hours ago
- My #fridayreads this week are a reread of Catching Fire and a first read of Mockingjay. 7 hours ago
- Don't shop with this kid http://t.co/KMTvlx9q 9 hours ago
My first instinct would be to say “no” because I know how people react to it; exactly as they did for your son last year. I would want to protect him from that sort of behavior
But then, as a gay man, I would want to say yes, because I would like to teach my child not to be ashamed of how he feels or what he likes and if he feels like dressing up as a female character, I wouldn’t want to shame him for it.
So it’s a difficult question. I think I’m grateful that it’s a choice I don’t actually have to make…
If my son wants to dress in a feminine costume, I couldn’t say no without being a hypocrite! I went at Fred Flintstone one halloween (I think I was 10 at the time). It was one of my favorite costumes, not to mention one of the only ones I clearly remember!
My son is only 23 months old, a brown boy with a white mom. So right now he really doesn’t express any opnion (I know, give it a few more months). But when he does express what he wants to wear on Halloween or any other day, I can only jope to support his decision and prepare him well. Besides, he looks fabulous in pink and yellow.
I had my tween dress as a woman when we were broke one year. He was a beauty! It was my fav costume for him ever! He hated it though.
I answered “Not sure”.
First-I don’t have a child, so I can only imagine.
Would I outright forbid it-NO. If it was very important to him I would support it. BUT- would I perhaps try to sway my son in another direction? I can’t lie and say I wouldn’t. And it kind of pains me to admit this because I very much try to embrace all the wonderful things that make us individuals (heck, I’m 42 and I one of my favorite pieces of clothing is the rainbow tutu that I made). I know that my gut would twist all day worrying about whether the others children were mean to my child…and what might be in store for him.
I grew up being teased…sometimes I could let it roll over me…then sometimes it would be so painful. I know a part of me would want to try to save my child from suffering like that…or worse.
I say bravo and brava to all the brave parents and children who follow the beat of their inner drummer!
Thank you Susan for an honest response. I bet your children would have turned out fine.
I wasn’t sure if my comment on the actual survey would show up so I’m posting it here too! Hands down I would let my son dress as a ‘feminine’ character or my daughter in ‘masculine’ one on Halloween because I think Jinnie said it best, ‘duh…you’re supposed to dress up!’ As did you, Sarah, in your heartwarming and truthful post last halloween about Boo’s decision to dress up as Daphne from Scooby Doo. I loved that post, and I think I read it it to everyone around me at the time saying, ‘This mom, she knows what it takes to be a real parent, I only hope to be like her someday.’ And it’s still true a year later now that I ‘rediscovered’ your blog and that post. A boy should be encouraged to pursue whatever he wants, just as any girl, and being a feminine character, or playing dress-up in his sister’s clothes (which I frequently did with (to?) my brother growing up) is not going to change his biological makeup and sexual desires just as OHN and Jodi pointed out. I actually shared it with my gender professor and all of my roommates, all of whom thought you were positively wonderful, even though you were doing what should be seen as the right thing anyway. But kudos, you are all wonderful and I wish I knew you in real life!
One of my sons has dressed up as a pink unicorn in the past. He was too cute and sooooo happy. Who could deny a child that?
I have three psychologically stable adult sons and all three of them dressed as women for at least one Halloween. In fact, when one of my friends saw the photos of my oldest son (about 8 years old) dressed in his makeup, fancy goodwill dress, purse and awesome hat and wig, she said he was the prettiest boy she had ever seen. (he was). This son is completely hetero (though I wouldn’t care either way) and was taught to be confident and go with his gut, and not care about what people say. “People” are always going to say something and if you try to conform to everyone’s idea of perfection you will drive yourself crazy.
Maybe for a child that has low self esteem or confidence level I would absolutely make sure that dressing up was HIS idea and not a friends or siblings….but if it’s the kids own idea…go for it. Life is too damn short to worry about a halloween costume (though I seem to remember a post somewhere, that went viral, about that subject ;-)
i can say yes with certainty. my son, adopted at five about a year and a half ago from india, ADORES carrying purses, wearing my and his sister’s shoes, and is most comfortable playing in a hot pink tutu. he also loves playing soccer, riding his bike, and playing with trucks. we do not typically allow him to carry his purse (we call it his “bag,” but it is what it is) into public places, but that is more about his tendency to lose things than the gender issue. being an extremely fair-skinned mama and having a medium brown boy from thailand, a very brown boy from india, and a redheaded stepdaughter in tow, i’m used to getting sideways looks. as long as my children are happy, healthy, and not hurting anyone, the sky is the limit.
Jodi….will you be my neighbor ? ;-)
I would allow my child to be anything that was not inappropriate for their age or offensive. I have a gay daughter whom I not only accept, embrace, I wouldn’t want her to be straight, can’t picture her straight. I just picture her as who she is and a part of who she is is gay and I knew that long before she did. Just had a hunch. That being said I would warn my boys that there is a good chance they be mocked or made fun of by other children who just haven’t been raised any better. It would be their choice.
Allowing your child to make a simple choice, a Halloween costume decision is great. Not preparing them for the reality of whats out in the real world, not okay. When it comes to pretend there is an unfortunate double standard, girls who dress up as boys get Oh she’s a tomboy, how cute. Boys get ridiculed and I would just want my sons to know that even though it’s not ok for people to do that, it doesn’t mean they won’t. That being said I am a very protective mother and would not allow it to go on unaddressed.
I voted “Not Sure” for these reasons.
1. I am not as strong as you
2. I would be worried about him being made fun of and would probably try to shield him from that by hoping I could convince him another costume was way cooler
3. I don’t know that my husband would support it, the way the detective does
However, I would vote YES
1. my husband was supportive
2. my child was aware some may make fun of him for it and he was sure he wouldn’t care, would laugh about it too, and/or would not be hurt
3. if my child was so adamant about it and was willing to proceed anyway
I could say “Yes” only because I know my son wouldn’t ask to dress as a feminine character. He’s 12 and VERY aware of differences and tries to stay out of the mix. Middle school is such an ugly time [ugh!] But, if he did, I’d like to think I’d be strong enough to say yes, but I suspect my husband would want to protect him from any backlash that might result. I also know my F-in-L would have a fit. So, I guess I’m lucky that I won’t have to deal with this, but I’d still like to think I’d be as strong as you if it came up.
For you Lori, and the post below… You guys are missing the golden opportunity to annoy your in-laws. I appreciate your honesty and from the sound of things, you both know your own minds as well as recognizing how your children could be affected in the backlash. Keep the kids happy and protect them too. A difficult balance at best.
I would like to think that I would, but I do worry about social pressure. My in-laws can be very judgemental as well and I don’t really want to expose my son to the fall out.
My three year old son frequently gets out his 6 year old sister’s dress up dresses and make up and they have a grand time playing. Originally he asked to be a witch for Halloween, which was fine we already have a costume for that, but he’s been dancing around to so many different ideas that I’m not sure he’ll ever make up his mind! I have noticed as he hangs out with my daughter’s school age friends he is being told “No you can’t do that you’re a boy, that’s only for girls” (which of course leads to a stern lecture from me) and I wonder if that’s not why he has changed his mind about being a witch.
Ummm, duh, it’s Halloween…… they are SUPPOSED to dress up. If my child dresses as a Dr. It sure as hell doesn’t mean I will let him operate on me, nor does letting him dress as a “girl” makes him one. Wise up people & get your head out of your arse
If that is his choice….why not?
I would have to take into consideration how others would try to make him feel. One of my boys is uuber sensitive to what others think, so I would be more hesitant to allow him to choose that costume. I do think it is a shame that I feel this way. However, the American culture is one of conformity. I want them to do their own thing, but not at the cost of their drive to be original. I have seen my boys refuse to do something because the prior experience was mentally painful. I don’t want them to stop being expressive for this reason. My younger boy worships cats in a feminine way. I love that he has a nurturing side to him and support him in his feline love. Also, he wanted to be the cat in a made-up play for a summer camp. I got right to sewing and made him a costume. I am not afraid of this and I don’t want them to be afraid of this. Maybe I am just following the “conformity culture” by supporting masculine costumes for boys, but I don’t want them to be made fun of when I can see it coming.
No matter what, Amy, there’s going to be someone who doesn’t like what he is. (See the whole “My son dressed in drag” debacle on this very website.
And that culture of conformity is why you should allow your son to dress as he wants for Halloween.
If you shelter him now, how is he going to learn to deal with the much harsher world when he’s a teenager? There is a lot of nastiness out there and the earlier he learns to deal with it, the better.
I lead a very sheltered life myself, didn’t swear, didn’t drink, didn’t do anything but be a geek.
If I had access to firearms in High-school I would have shot someone. This is not a figure of speech, I even picked out who would be the first to die.
I thank god for 2 things. that I did not have access to firearms and that that part of me is far far in my past.
For the record, I am not trying to say you’re a bad parent or anything like that . Just sharing my experience.
@Bearfoot: No offence taken. I enjoy a spirited debate.
I began following this blog after that post and have even commented on it myself: http://keepinemoutoftherapy.blogspot.com/2011/02/following-rules.html
I am truly hoping that the guidance we (their dad and I) give our children will keep them from having all those hurts inside that would make them feel such anger as you did. It must have been a terrible burden to carry and I am proud of you for making it through.
For the past couple of years the boys have wanted to be “boy” things so I have not thought about it until this blog. I have made costumes for lighthouses, hot air balloons, tractors, and firetrucks. I pray that I will have the strength to make a Daphne costume, or the like, if it is asked for.
I have said it before and I will say it again: I applaud Nerdy’s moxie and use her strength as a force for me. I answered this post because I feel it is important to question the restrictive culture in which we live. It may be hypocritical of me because we have actively sought out a good school district near where we grew up, and it is not as diverse as I wish. They are not as exposed to differences as before (they went to a preschool in the DD/MR building of our county so that they could see that our bodies are not all we have to offer on this Earth; that a person is more that the wheelchair/walker/feeding tube/whatever that they carry). But we talk daily as we read The Word about how God wants us to act. I know others do not do this, and so do the boys, but they are trying their hardest to understand why people act the way they do.
And my boys are not perfect. The older one has a sharp tongue when he sees something wrong. The younger one wants everyone to like everybody, but refuses to play with certain others if they don’t share their toys as he would see fit (i.e. let him run the show). So they will have the opportunity to deal with the challenges that are faced in this world. I can only hope my guidance will let them know that it is OK to disagree and that everyone is just out to be loved.
my son is in middle school as of this year, and right now we are working very hard to help him socialize in general because he has a difficult time with that. I am not sure I would allow him to subject himself to addition ridicule at the hands of the cruelest age-group I have come across in my life. We have enough trouble with things like proper hygiene and his borderline autistic behavior. However, I would go out of my way to make sure that he didn’t ridicule or belittle anyone else that wanted a more feminine costume.