Nerdy Apple Bottom

Here are a few examples of the glamorous life I lead:

• When we flew out to New York City last November for me to do the TODAY Show, I was in a crazy place mentally, physically, and emotionally. I barely pulled it together to get a family of 5, 3 of whom had never flown, packed to go on the last minute trip. Because the Detective is in law enforcement, he doesn’t go through regular security so I had to manage getting all 3 shorties and myself through. Peanut and Boo did just fine. Squirt wanted no part in taking off his coat and shoes, much less walking through the screener. Thankfully, this was just before they ramped up security so they finally agreed to let me carry him through. Once on the plane, they had booked us in all separate seats so we had to finagle to at least have one adult with each of the kids. The most glamorous parts however were 1. I forgot to pack myself underwear. Awesome. So on the TODAY Show, I am sans underpants. I know. I’m so risque. And the other was after once again going through security with 3 shorties and no Detective and again having to finagle seats together [Thanks, jerk-that-refused- to-move] was that the moment we exited the plane and we saw the driver holding up the sign with my name, Squirt puked. All. Over. Me. My hair, my shirt, my coat, my pants, my shoes, and probably my non-existent underwear. That was certainly a quick way to get me back to reality after my whirlwind weekend.
• When Good Morning. America wanted to Skype with me to get a quote in reference to the J Crew Toenail Debacle of ’11, I had to get dressed as I had already changed into my jammies at 7pm. And I had to wait for Peanut to get home from soccer practice to let me borrow her webcam and show my how to Skype. Then the poor producer was having the hardest time getting the shot to look decent. She finally asked me if I could move to another room with a different background because I was so washed out she could barely see me. I was forced to tell her that while I absolutely could change rooms, it wouldn’t do any good. I am in fact that pale. I look borderline dead. I’m am without pigment. [Not really, or medically, or anything, I’m just REALLY fair-skinned[. She was so embarrassed, but I tried to make her feel better. I’ve lived with my ‘milky complexion’ all my life, and am totally aware of and comfortable with it.
• And lastly, just last week while on a business call for some possible and actually paying freelance work, Squirt insisted I go to the bathroom with him So for those 5 others on the call, I apologize for the sound of peeing in the background. And I REALLY hope you didn’t think it was me.