A nice little recap and follow up.
Click here.
If you’ve never checked out Blogher before, I encourage you to do so now.
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A nice little recap and follow up.
Click here.
If you’ve never checked out Blogher before, I encourage you to do so now.
When I was pregnant with what I would learn was my son.. I bought a pink polo at the outlets, my mother was with me. When it was known that it was a boy, my mother took it upon herself to give said pink polo to a neighbor friend who was pregnant with a girl. I was a little miffed. I explained my thoughts to my mother that the color of shirt does not make the man. She went out and bought him a new pink polo. ROCK on Sister. Your family and your son should stand proud!
My two cents!
Hmmm, I forgot to send you this link to a comic about boys wearing pink and dressing up for Halloween: http://www.rainbowrumpus.org/htm/rb_1010.htm
I saw the story on numerous friends’s facebook walls. Finally read the post today. Very well written and good for you.
The tough thing is-kids and adults do need to learn that there are societal expectations and they can choose to break them-but this choice comes with a price.
Some expectations are stupid and involve behavior that hurts no one, like boys can’t dress up (especially at Halloween) and are worth the price to violate.
Although I will say I was horrified when I first saw the picture. Pink and orange? How garish! Did Daphne really have that color combination on the show? Yikes!
I wish more parents were like you.
Has anyone seen this story about a girl in Grade 1 who has been bullied for her love of Star Wars?
See here: http://www.epbot.com/
I heard about this situation on the radio a couple days after Halloween. I just kinda laughed and went on my merry way. But seeing the hulabaloo it has stirred up, I just wanted to comment on a couple of things. Firstly, obviously your little man is quite confident in himself (as much as a 5 year old can be). I’m willing to bet that he’s going to be a great man one day. I remember one of my 4th graders used to tell me, “Miss Krista, my favorite color is pink. It takes a real man to wear pink.” Used to crack me up. But he was right. Secondly, I’m a Christian mom of a little boy (age 1) and I see absolutely NOTHING wrong with his costume. I think it’s hilarious. It breaks my heart that A) there are people who claim to be Christian, that act this way toward a CHILD!! and B)Others will lump all Christians into the same category as these moms. A true Christian is compassionate, accepting, and understanding. Even if you don’t agree with a lifestyle choice, you still love the person, without judgement. I’m stepping off of my soapbox now. You keep rocking on with mommyhood and know you’ve got people on your side. God bless!!
I saw all the media attention from Today Show down to woman shows like The View.
I have to say I don’t get the big deal. It’s just a costume plus he will probably want to be a superhero next Halloween.
Oh, I’m glad to see you didn’t let the Trolls (as mean people who put mean comments on the internet are called) get to you.
Stay Positive and Happy Thanksgiving.
P.S. Thank-you to your husbend for protected citizens like me from bad guys.
Please remember that all these negative people will fade soon enough…..
http://www.raisingnormalkids.com
Hang in there my friend!!! Hang in there…. hugs
I feel a little goofy saying it yet again, but thank you. And to Blogher an Dr Janet Taylor for trying to refocus the basis of this conversation about bullying.
Of course I want bullying to stop. Of course it isn’t going to stop. Of course I think all these campaigns out there are valuable. But other than the perspective you three, few seem to get the foundation for conversation could be quite different, or least better rounded.
Rather than focus on making the bullied avoid getting bullied, or to toughen up in preparation, how about teaching all sides compassion, empathy and understanding. How about focusing on the bulliers? Meaning how about parents putting as much effort into teaching their kids - and themselves - to also show constraint, patience and consideration?
We, each of us, are not alone in this world. We will meet people who are different…because everyone is simply different.
What i dont get is the uproar caused by this. what is the harm in letting a child express their individuality and make their own choices as long as they dont harm themselves or others. i guess i owe that uncommon logic to my mother. ROCK ON SUPPORTIVE MOMS OF CREATIVE KIDS.
Who is this “Heather”? Why is Heather so “excited” to see if Nerdy Bottom “learned anything” and had some huge change of heart? Is Heather Nerdy Bottom’s life coach or parent giving some sort of life lesson and judging every few days or “give it a week and come back” to see if Nerdy Bottom has come to some realization that she should say and do what Heather thinks is appropriate? How judgmental, condescending, and just plain annoying.
This is Nerdy Apple Bottom’s BLOG, she is living her life as she sees fit, with her friends, family and whatnot, and writing about it. It is not some college course she is going to get a mark on, graded by Heather, nor an entertainment show so that Heather can decide if it was exciting for her or not, a good read or not, or came to a satisfying plot conclusion.
Heather, do you go back and read other blogs to see if the writers have come to your conclusions and written apologies, recanted to their neighbors, perhaps come to some exciting conclusion within a week about their personalities, love life, parenting? It is just boggling to me. And continuing to harp on about how she has So Much Potential, Could be such a Great Writer, is just a backhanded way to put someone down. “She’d be such a nice person if only she had a change of heart” “He’d be a star athlete if he’d only get me to coach him”…
And if being irked by something four days later, once your child has had time to eat his Halloween candy, is a sign of an angry snarky unforgiving person, and blogging about it or writing in your journal, or talking with a friend is just spreading the negative energy, what a strange and laissez-faire world you must live in, disconnected from the rest of humanity. I am sure that is something that zen masters and Mother Theresa aspired to, but hardly ever or never achieve, even themselves.
In fact, very little in the world would be accomplished if we couldn’t carry over a bit of thought and emotion about social injustices more than a few days. No one would be spurred to create women’s shelters, or fight bullying, talk with their spouse about communication problems or misunderstandings, there would be little art or writing done…
And in fact, one way we know if something is a problem in our world and needs attention is exactly that: that we still feel irked about it a few days later: it indicates a situation that needs addressing.
Anyways, here we are responding to Heather, (who never seems to actually write TO Cop’s Wife, but rather about her)…when actually I wanted to write “the new photo of Boo on BlogHer is adorable” and “the BlogHer post is great, but the nj.com piece by “Jamie Tripp Utitus/Parental Guidance ” and her commenter Tea, and her reactions to Tea’s comments is just more of the same stupid condescending judgmentalism. Sigh.
Thanks for sharing, Cop’s Wife.
And as for dealing with 45,000 comments, as I said before, I subscribed by email when there were perhaps a hundred comments and within an hour I had to unsubscribe for the sheer quantity and speed they came into my inbox. Since then, the several thousand that came in, less than a 1/10th of what you got, crashed my Entourage mail several times… I certainly wouldn’t want to deal with going viral. Never.
But I understand that, despite the haters, you have reached out to a lot of people and that is what counts.
Another mom might find out what it’s like for a blog about her kid to go viral: http://starwarsblog.starwars.com/index.php/2010/11/18/young-girl-bullied-for-liking-star-wars/
Thanks Jeanne. Though we can see that the writer of that starwarsblog who supports this little girl and her star wars water bottle is so angry and stuck in the past that she didn’t hang onto negative social interactions for 4 days like Cop’s Wife and write a blog in 10 minutes, but actually held onto her irkedness for years til she was an adult and wrote a WHOLE BOOK:
http://www.amazon.com/Girls-Against-Mean-Other-Hating/dp/097901736X/
BtW, yes, that was “snark” on my part! :D I actually think it is fantastically cool that someone uses their negative experiences as a launching pad for writing, and encouraging others to stand up for themselves. Yay to Bonnie Burton.
Amazing! You speak as well as you write. Well done on the interviews.
I’m sorry you’ve received negative feedback. I see that you are a loving mom, supporting your son. I’m glad you wrote the post and I hope that because of it, people can learn to be more loving, caring, and understanding.
Wow “Heather”. I re-read the post regarding her son’s Halloween costume…and didn’t see where she needed to apologize to those moms. How did it disrupt their lives I would like to know? Is it because they had to stop bad mouthing other moms and kids to focus on her and her son? Or was it maybe the fact that she didn’t subscribe to their way of thinking, and your as well, that upset them? Seems to me you are a domineering person, parent maybe? My kids mother is like that….and she wonders why the kids hate her now. It seems to me that you are the one who needs to learn a lesson..a lesson in how not to be negative, or rude, or condescending. From what I read of your post it might seem to me your bitterness has come from the fact someone in your family is gay…possibly your son? Either way, your lack of diversity, your lack of acceptance and tolerance offends me. You a racist as well? Just wondering.
Wow Les, you really let your imagination get away from you on this one.
I was only hoping that she would stop using snark as a weapon and lose the anger that seems to fuel her posts. By the way, you Les, use snark as a weapon and you should be informed that it’s really ineffective. Look at your comment, you’ve insulted me numerous times as well as the mother of your children…all in one paragraph. Quite frankly, any sentence that starts off with, “My kids’ mother…” followed by something negative, is a sentence that should not be written or spoken out loud. It only states that you didn’t make a good choice when choosing the woman to whom you entrusted to mother your children and when you say “kids”, it means you made the bad choice more than once. Go Les! (yes, snark I know, but I couldn’t resist)
Now, back to the topic at hand…I applaud her choice to let her son wear the costume of his choosing. I couldn’t care less about the gender identity issue, because I don’t think there is one here.
I was referring to her choice to write the blog post and stand aside as it went viral. No, she had no idea that it would go viral (How on earth could she have known?) But, she wrote it and IT DID. And then, she let it grow. I just thought she might delve into some of the negative reactions from loved ones, or even expose just an ounce of humility (not to be mistaken with humiliation).
I was just hoping to see something more from her than I saw in the original post. I was also wondering if she would take a defensive stance against her critics or point out that there were a few valid points and that she hopes to learn to accept her shortcomings and learn from them (as we all need to do), while acknowledging that having her faults pointed out in this manner was painful no doubt.
Her response has taken a tone of this entire thing as being “something that happened to her”. I think she’s stronger than that and I think she’s smarter than that too. If she would set aside her ego for more than a second, she could really do some effective writing. It would be brilliant, I’m quite certain of it.
p.s.
I won’t dignify your silly racist question with a response.
Hi Heather. While I may not agree with your stance, I totally respect the fact that you articulated it in a thoughtful, non-provoking way.
Question for you, though. You said: “I was referring to her choice to write the blog post and stand aside as it went viral. No, she had no idea that it would go viral (How on earth could she have known?) But, she wrote it and IT DID. And then, she let it grow. I just thought she might delve into some of the negative reactions from loved ones, or even expose just an ounce of humility (not to be mistaken with humiliation).
I was just hoping to see something more from her than I saw in the original post. I was also wondering if she would take a defensive stance against her critics or point out that there were a few valid points and that she hopes to learn to accept her shortcomings and learn from them (as we all need to do), while acknowledging that having her faults pointed out in this manner was painful no doubt.”
What are these “faults,” “shortcomings” and “valid points” you speak of? How did she “let it go”? What do you think she should’ve done differently and why would that have been better? I also think she already spoke to family’s reactions and that they weren’t negative. Do you not believe that? And I also thought she expressed humility. Maybe we’re reading different things.
Hello Leah,
As far as the faults, I would want to know if she has questioned her choice to write the post in the first place. I am curious as to weather or not she sees that the act of writing the post was, in a way, perpetuating the negativity of the situation. It was written in defense, some argue that it was her little boy’s defense, I would disagree with that. I say that because she stewed about it for four days before she wrote it. I’m guessing that her son had moved on and no doubt consumed all of his Halloween candy by the time the post was written. My point is, it was her anger or the fact that she was “still irked” that gave her a reason to write the post. Her anger, not Boo’s.
As far as shortcomings, I wonder if she has looked at the possibility that maybe, just maybe she walked into the school expecting a little flack and if that might have effected her perception of the response(s) that received from thos women. And, if that might have fueled her insecurities which then manifested into frustrations.
I wonder if she has asked herself if her expectations were unrealistic. This is in no way to say that those women had any right to knock a little boy for wearing a Daphne costume. It just doesn’t strike me as a response that would take me surprise (not completely anyways).
The “valid points” are in reference to a few different things, including, the people who questioned her choice to leave the photo up. Clearly, she feels that it was the right choice, but are the people who pointed it out so terribly wrong? Is it really fair to label those people as “bullies” as well? Another point made repeatedly, was her decision to fight ugliness with ugliness or, as mentioned above, negativity with negativity. The issue that comes to mind the most is her son’s right to privacy. Maybe she didn’t think those were valid points. I don’t know. I’m lead to believe that because she dismissed them with her rebuttal.
As far as “letting it grow”, I was referring to the appearances on the network news shows.
I read that about the family’s reaction, and again only see where she is defending her choices. Really? No one claimed that they weren’t thrilled about the attention. No one?
As far as what I would have done differently, I wouldn’t have written the post. I would have done everything that she did up until the moment that she clicked “publish”. Not because it went viral- forget about that, but because it was a negative blog post about her son’s classmates’ moms. It would have improved things in my opinion, maybe mine only. But for starters, we wouldn’t be discussing it and I might have done a few loads of laundry today as intended : )
But over all, I think she stands to do something amazing with this experience ( perhaps a book if she can put the ego to rest). I just hope she doesn’t let the rebuttals get in the way. Then, it will have all been worth it.
I disagree that Les’s imagination went ANYwhere on this one. You said:
Which is a far cry from
So which is it? Either she’s in the wrong for “allowing” the post to “become viral” (here’s a hint: it’s not like she could stop it; even deleting the post wouldn’t have made that much of a difference, as there’s still ways of finding deleted blog posts on teh interwebs) or she needs to apologize to the other mothers at her son’s school - mothers that, I’d like to point out, she never outed by name. So what should she apologize for? Being progressive at them? How dare she not be as uptight and condescending as they are, that sort of thing?
Let me clue you in on another facet of blogging: this here blog is Nerdy’s own space. She can say what she wants about who she wants and she doesn’t have to apologize for it. She doesn’t have to let anybody comment on it one way or the other - and yet she’s allowed troll comments to stand as written, along with the comments that agree and applaud what she’s done and said. You don’t have to like it. You don’t even have to read it. But she certainly doesn’t have to apologize - not to you, not to me, not to anyone.
(And for the record, I don’t know Nerdy myself, I only found my way here via Facebook. But not knowing Nerdy in “real” life doesn’t mean I can’t stand up for her right to say what she wants in her own space.)
Ha! Awesome!
Les! Awesome!
@ bigbrainfarts… Perfect!
I am visiting your blog after not stopping by for a week. I was eager to see your follow-up post(s) after your viral post. I just have to say (since you seem to have opened the blog up for discussion) that you still have the exact same tone. Your list of rebuttals is nothing more than a ‘Thank You’ to your fans and an attack on those who have criticized you.
You write well and you’re funny, but you also come across as a bit of a know-it-all. You strike me as being completely unteachable. I would hope that this experience has taught you so much more than simply, how to stand up for yourself (you seemed to have that down pretty well before the post). I was excited to see if you were willing to take any responsibility for your actions, those that might not have been in the best interest of your family. Sadly, it seems that you aren’t ready to see that you too might have made a few mistakes here.
Nothing made that more clear than your reference to the other moms (A, B and C) since your post. To claim that you harbor no ill will towards them, indicates that you feel no remorse for the interruption that this might have caused their lives. An apology or simple acknowledgment would have been oh-so-refreshing.
Your cheerleaders can attack this comment. Perhaps I was wrong to leave it. (See, that’s how you do it. It’s pretty simple.)
@ Nerdy-Don’t listen to this nut. Clearly, she is some sort of narrow-minded idiot who has never thought for herself. At least your cheerleaders use their own minds and don’t share a hate-filled collective one. Heather is probably brainwashed by some church and is terrified of going to hell. Were she a patient of mine…….well, I am not sure any hourly fee would be worth listening to her.
You did the RIGHT thing for your family…something most people are too afraid or too stupid to do. Teaching your kids to make their own choices, as long as they don’t hurt anyone else is not only healthy, but brave. It builds character, and keeps children from putting guns in their mouths. As long as the child takes responsibility, is happy with his choices and learns to ignore narrow-minded morons. Most people care more about what people think of them than what is fair, right and honest. Teach your son to be kind, fair,courteous and honest, and ignore those whose minds have been warped by insecurity and fear.
In this life, you will never please everyone. No matter what your views, there is always someone who disagrees. Be happy with your choices and honest with yourself. Criticize others for doing things that hurt people, but never for being who they really are and having fun.
You are absolutely right…the moms that criticized your son’s personal choice of a cute costume are the evil people here. If he had come dressed as a penis, or something obscene, perhaps I would be concnerned too. Dressing as a girl for halloween is not new and will not “turn” anyone gay. If he turns out to be…that is who he is…no costume can make it happen. If it did my husband…father of 6..70 next year….and every inch a heterosexual man… would have “turned” years ago!
Criticizing a fun costume on a child is evil and hurtful. Yet these “pure” moms are probably the same ones who put their carts in the handicapped parking space wheelchair ramps and don’t say anything if the cashier gives them too much change.
Stay strong and stand up for what is really right…those things that hurt others! People seem to have forgotten to respect others. I am regularly amazed at the TRULY inconsiderate things that people do every day…and then will butt into the lives of others over things that are simply none-of-their-business!
https://nopassivefool.wordpress.com/
@Heather-My guess is your views have been warped by “christianity.” Believe in any imaginary friend you like…but stop trying to force it on others! Real christians would never be so hurtful as to criticize a young childs innocent choice of halloween costume or the sexuality of other consenting adults. Sadly…I know very few real christians. I want no part of a religion that abuses others and seeks to control by fear.
“Don’t listen to this nut. Clearly, she is some sort of narrow-minded idiot who has never thought for herself. At least your cheerleaders use their own minds and don’t share a hate-filled collective one. Heather is probably brainwashed by some church and is terrified of going to hell”
Justacigar, I’m sorry to inform you that I’m not christian. Nor, do I have any religious affiliation. Again, I wasn’t referring to the costume, which was adorable in my opinion. I was referring to her response to the post going viral and the fact that I think she can take this opportunity to grow. I also think she could use this experience to write something bigger, such as a book. I don’t, however see that happening until she puts her ego aside. Would you want to read that rebuttal list again? Or, I shutter to think, a book of such rebuttals?
I think she is capable of more…much more. I hope that she doesn’t allow the pats on the back to be the same hands that hold her down from using this experience to change her life for the better in ways that are unimaginable. She only needs to stop being the victim to do that. I don’t think she even realizes that she still sounds angry. Nor, do I think she realizes that the post perpetuated the situation, at least I haven’t read where she takes responsibility for that.
This doesn’t have to be about gay, gender issues or spiteful moms. It could be about a person who viewed things one way (that people were against her, albeit only a few), and then how she had a huge event take place and how it changed her view of the world and more importantly, how it changed her view of herself. That would be woirth reading.
Which mom are you? A, B or C?
i’m confused - this shows blank for me…
(bear with me - i am new to the whole blog subscription thing…)
It showed blank for me too, but once I went to the main page and back I saw the link. Still wading through all the links and videos. Goodness… I don’t watch much TV, so I had no idea. CRAZY!
It is showing me blank too.