After last week’s post, I felt the urge to also let people know about the awesome people who made Boo feel great about himself and his choice of costume.
There were several of my mama friends that smiled so wide when he walked into that preschool. One of their daughter’s is Boo’s best friend. And she too was dressed as Daphne. They planned to match - down to the sparkly tights and add-on cardigan. Most of the moms knew what he was going to be before the actual party. They didn’t bat an eye. They all see him walk in with his Scooby Doo lunchbox. His love of the show is no secret. And they all know what a kind, sweet boy he is. And how happy he was to be Daphne for a day. Their friendships mean the world to me and truly helped me survive the whirlwind this last week has been.
And also, Boo’s amazing teachers. When we walked in, he didn’t have the wig on as it was a windy day . In the middle of Mom A’s comments, Boo’s teacher came out and said, “Where’s your wig? You can’t be a true Daphne without your wig!” Then she wrapped her arm around him and led him into the classroom. The assistant teacher was in charge of taking pictures and was all over him, making sure she got a couple of the 2 Daphnes together and from their best sides. Both were 100% supportive of his choices. And these two women know him. I adore his teachers all the way to the moon.
And then there are you guys. I cannot begin to wrap my mind around this outpouring of support. It is incomprehensible to me at this point. Yes, there are some out there that think I’ve made a colossal mistake and should never have ‘let’ Boo be what he wants. I respectfully disagree. I am 100% certain I did the right thing. And sadly, there are those out there that feel comfortable calling Boo and me names. That is small. Very, very small of them.
I cannot tell you how heartwarming it is to hear from people I know and those that I don’t that are so on board with his choice. It makes me feel better about the world in general. Those few moms took a little bit of happiness when they cast their glares and made their remarks. I can’t get it back, but I can try to heal it. And it’s a whole lot easier knowing there are folks out there that are supportive, and loving, and incensed. Knowing there are a lot of good ones out there. That’s what really matters.
And yes, there will be more on the subject from me. I’m going through the comments, slowly but surely. I am still a SAHM of three so life takes precedence. There are a few points of clarification that I feel may be necessary. Perhaps a few rebuttals.
But for now, know this. I love my children. I will do my best to make them happy, healthy people. And that I am grateful to all you that have tweeted, emailed, commented, and generally shared some love and hope.
Thank you.
[...] ten days later on November 12th she returns to her blog to report that the response has been, for the most part, supportive. And then there are you guys. [...]
Well done original post- and the thoughts/ beliefs behind it.
This post made me cry. What wonderful teachers and school friends!
Thank you for sharing your experience. I cheer the fact that you support your kids in growing into whomever they want to be, I hope I am doing the same for mine. I also applaud the way you’ve handled this situation with grace, humor and a firm grip on who you are.
Boo’s choice of costume was adorable, and it’s great that you have so much support!
Vanessa Rima
http://www.fashionissima.com
Don’t know how I missed this but I did. I am so glad to have found it today. You are the kind of parent all kids should have. You listened and followed his lead. I have two adult sons (27 and 23). If there is a continuum on sexuality one is very gay and one is very straight. My oldest never wanted to be a female at Halloween, but he wanted to be the prince with an elaborate beaded cape, a parrot with vibrant purple and turquoise feathers, the vampire with a full length red lined cape (capes were very big) My sewing machine and I were very busy each fall. My youngest only wanted enough costume and some sort of gory make-up to qualify to go trick or treating and bring home candy. I didn’t sew much for him but my make-up skills were stretched to the max. They both have happy memories of Halloween and how great they looked. Amazingly the older one wanting elaborate costumes did not “make” the younger one follow his lead.
My point is you love them guide them and follow their lead. They are kind, open adults who like and respect each other and their boyfriends and girlfriends. They have frequently expressed to my husband and me how thankful they are that the were allowed to be themselves. There were lots of rules, curfews and consequences when the rules were broken. There were also bullies and awful people but they were the minority. We did our best to encourage and support their interests. Today they are still following their passions each enrolled in graduate school, working and doing well. We now tend to be more observers but we still try to be supportive - parenting never stops!
Thank you for sharing your family’s experience! It brought back some very happy memories.
I loved your post. I thought you did right by your son. And I was so glad you shared your story.
A friend of mine posted your post to her facebook page, and I am so happy that I clicked on the link to read it. There should be more people in the world like you. Such a crazy world we live in that a young child has to feel hesitancy in wearing a costume. THOSE Mothers are the ones that perpetuate the gender stereotypes…the reason why I had to ask my husband today if he would be ok with me buying our son a baby cabbage patch doll for Christmas. We are the ones who are creating these gender boundaries. Thank you for standing up.
I thought he looked absolutely adorable in his costume!! :D He was so cute!! I loved your post and was so proud of how cooly you reacted to the moms. Power to ya, I think I’d have thrown a few insults their way before walking off (course, I don’t have any kids so I’m not sure what I’d actually do… :) )
greetings from sweden!
Just wanted to say that I thjink it’s awesome that you stood up for your son (and yourself). If he want’s to dress up like a girl character, why wouldn’t he. I think it’s scary that this bullying and the reproduction of gender roles are made by parents, by grown ups, why can’t they just let kids be kids. Your point that the ninja won’t be a ninja when he/she gets old is brilliant. (Even though it’s ok IF they want to be a ninja, or if they turn out to be gay or anything else for that matter). How are we going to be free from stereotype gender roles if people like mom ABC continues to make this kind of exclusion and condemnations about the kids who is expressing their personality.
To sum it up, i hope you continue the fight, what you did was courageous!
(hope my spelling isn’t confusing, english isn’t my 1 language)
I think your original post was very real and spoke to me because, I like you, don’t really see what the big deal is. I like you, also see the double standard between boys dressing as girls on Halloween and girls dressing as boys.
Thank you for writing an honest post and for defending that honestly (I really wish you didn’t have to!)
I don’t think this was set up for debate I think this was set up just as iz. we are not able to have a real thought that goes against the view here. you see, I have talked on some of this before but not all by any means. & yes, most on a site didn’t like it if someone didn’t go with to blogger or with most of the crowd. I don’t get that really. I got so much from that & so did they. we don’t say much on it now but there hasn’t really been a need lately. the one’s that was mad or didn’t the other person’s view are friends & have met to have a great time. the friendships are strong. I thought wow how neat is that??
some of the posters really cared enough to see each other but yet they still don’t agree politically at all, lol. omgoodness people toughen up & don’t be so quick to say someone is mean if the don’t readily see things your way & that means you too blogger!!
saywhat is a totally appropriate name for you! i’m sorry but you are barely comprehensible! name-calling is wrong, period. that’s what she had an issue with. not actual “concerns.”
oops meant to say: the one’s that was mad or didn’t get the other person’s view are friends…
Saywhat, pretty much all you wrote was barely comprehensible, not just one line. But I think you are saying “hey, even if we disagree, we can all be friends”. I am sorry, someone calls my 5 yr old son a fag, says that youth protection services should step in and take away my child, that I am a bad parent who doesn’t deserve to have a child, exploitive and a child abuser for blogging about it after the fact, that person is NOT my friend, and is not this blogger’s friend. You can “lol” all you like, but that was hate spewed, not “disagreement” or “different opinions”.
You are a wonderful mother, thank you for posting that story. It was heartening to know that society is starting to change. I hope it’s okay that I posted it on facebook. So many people responded and I want you to know that all of the fifty posts were supportive of you and your son. Many of them were comments about how it completely reformed their stereotype of cop families as well. That is completely irrelevant but also awesome in it’s own way. Your fantastic. Keep writing CW!
I just had to let you know, even though my children have placed themselves in the gender stereotype roles, I never attempted to mold them that way, and when I read your post, suddenly I understood WHY. It’s because on Halloween a boy can dress as a girl, and it’s marginally More Acceptable, but a girl can dress like a boy 24/7 365… and NO ONE CARES.
in the last 100 years, that has changed drastically, and with more moms like you, willing to allow, nay… stand up for, your son’s right to dress as he likes maybe in another 100 years the gender stereotypes will fade even more.
Sure, that’s not why you were doing what you were doing. But it certainly helps! :D
go you!