My girlfriend and I both read your blog entry entitled “My son is gay.” Where others have sat down and said nothing you have risen and spoke. There should be more people like you, you accept your son for who he is, although this does not mean he is Gay. But your entry shows that we are who we are raised to be, the children of those mothers will grow up to be just like them.
I was raised by a single mother, when I was younger, I used to like stuffed animals, would always play with boys & girls depending who was doing the coolest activity, my sister was my best friend, she hated dressing up like a girl, she always wanted to dress in boy clothes because she thought they were more comfortable. Today she is very much straight, and she began to like girl clothes around middle school not because people bullied her, but because she started to like them.
My step brother enjoyed playing with barbie dolls with his sister because she had a wide collection of them, he grew up to be straight. Straight guys dress up as women for Halloween all the time in High School, Halloween, like you said it is a time to dress up, to be something different from the average. Being Gay is not something you can just be…it’s a lifestyle. Cross-dressers aren’t always gay, some are happily married.
In my opinion you have done nothing wrong in posting, anything about those mothers. The world needs to know what it’s like. No one should be bullied for their choices or for who they are.
In my opinion, from the time babies are born, everybody wants to know what their biological make up is. So, we dress them according to generally accepted colors. You’re correct that there is nothing inherent in the colors blue and pink that makes one masculine and the other feminine. In any case, those are the colors that are generally agreed upon. This can apply to many other areas as well, namely language, the alphabet, word pronunciations. These issues are called amoral issues. The use of blue vs. pink or the letters ABC vs. CBA have nothing to do with morality, rather, they are a way to save time, and to be efficient in modes communication.
Since young children have not yet fully developed their use of reason, they especially, cling to these modes of communication in order to understand the world around them. So, when Bobby, who normally dresses like a boy, indicating to others his biological make-up, comes one day dressed as a girl. It may seem odd, or even arouse some suspicion, possibly ridicule depending on the age, but unlikely if the children are still very young. The point being, it could create a since of anxiety in a young child, who craves order instinctively. Order is how children learn what things are. If one day a cup is a cup and the next day the cup is a banana and the next day the cup is a picture frame, then how will they ever learn what a cup is?
I think that your initial reaction of hesitating to allow your son to dress as a female character for Halloween, was a normal healthy reaction. I think it indicates that you know your role as mother is to educate in tandem with age. And at that young of an age, children still need to learn how to think inside the box before they can understand what it means to think outside the box. And I think that your son’s anxiety was also very telling. He knew that he was acting outside of generally accepted principles (amoral), and that type of behavior may be confusing to other people.
That being said, there is no sin in wearing pink vs. blue or blue vs. pink. And I don’t think you committed any egregious parenting crime by any means of the imagination. However, it does seem that you’ve made your son’s costume into a social/political issue that you have, not him. All parents from any walk of life, should be careful of making into a social/political issue, something that is very innocent. By suggesting to the world wide web that you son may be gay is a personal family issue, that should not be released to the general public without his consent, and not at all merited by his actions.
Furthermore, I think we all have to be careful of allowing other people their own opinions. Those women have every right to their opinion, ignorant or not. And had they approached you in private, I’m sure you would have been much more tolerant of their beliefs. I don’t think it’s healthy, though, to seek revenge, period. Better, I think, to treat them as you would have them treat you (and your son). Quietly forgive them on the spot, and move forward with your life. They may have embarrassed you and your son in front of a few classmates, but you have now embarrassed them in front of the world. Finally, there’s no need to indict Christianity in their actions. I believe that creates an insecure environment for that particular social group to voice their opinions.
I think an important thing to note about criticizing her expression of her feelings so publicly, is that it isnt just her son who wants to do atypical things and it has become a real problem that controlling powers (like Christianity) have pushed on mothers like her. She is one voice out of a thousand silent ones who say nothing and might not agree but are complicit in letting bullying and intolerance persist in society.
Thank God she “embarassed them in front of the world”…they deserved it. No one should just “shut up and walk away” when a bunch of concern trolls are bleating on about a sweet kid trying to dress up like a girl. It’s judgemental, homophobic and wrong. When are people going to join the 21st century? If he dressed up as Will Smith from Men In Black, would it be okay if we bagged on this kid because he wanted to dress up as a black guy?
My girlfriend and I both read your blog entry entitled “My son is gay.” Where others have sat down and said nothing you have risen and spoke. There should be more people like you, you accept your son for who he is, although this does not mean he is Gay. But your entry shows that we are who we are raised to be, the children of those mothers will grow up to be just like them.
I was raised by a single mother, when I was younger, I used to like stuffed animals, would always play with boys & girls depending who was doing the coolest activity, my sister was my best friend, she hated dressing up like a girl, she always wanted to dress in boy clothes because she thought they were more comfortable. Today she is very much straight, and she began to like girl clothes around middle school not because people bullied her, but because she started to like them.
My step brother enjoyed playing with barbie dolls with his sister because she had a wide collection of them, he grew up to be straight. Straight guys dress up as women for Halloween all the time in High School, Halloween, like you said it is a time to dress up, to be something different from the average. Being Gay is not something you can just be…it’s a lifestyle. Cross-dressers aren’t always gay, some are happily married.
In my opinion you have done nothing wrong in posting, anything about those mothers. The world needs to know what it’s like. No one should be bullied for their choices or for who they are.
LE, I totally agree! I posted a similar reply but it was buried in the blind “kudos” replies.
Well said!
In my opinion, from the time babies are born, everybody wants to know what their biological make up is. So, we dress them according to generally accepted colors. You’re correct that there is nothing inherent in the colors blue and pink that makes one masculine and the other feminine. In any case, those are the colors that are generally agreed upon. This can apply to many other areas as well, namely language, the alphabet, word pronunciations. These issues are called amoral issues. The use of blue vs. pink or the letters ABC vs. CBA have nothing to do with morality, rather, they are a way to save time, and to be efficient in modes communication.
Since young children have not yet fully developed their use of reason, they especially, cling to these modes of communication in order to understand the world around them. So, when Bobby, who normally dresses like a boy, indicating to others his biological make-up, comes one day dressed as a girl. It may seem odd, or even arouse some suspicion, possibly ridicule depending on the age, but unlikely if the children are still very young. The point being, it could create a since of anxiety in a young child, who craves order instinctively. Order is how children learn what things are. If one day a cup is a cup and the next day the cup is a banana and the next day the cup is a picture frame, then how will they ever learn what a cup is?
I think that your initial reaction of hesitating to allow your son to dress as a female character for Halloween, was a normal healthy reaction. I think it indicates that you know your role as mother is to educate in tandem with age. And at that young of an age, children still need to learn how to think inside the box before they can understand what it means to think outside the box. And I think that your son’s anxiety was also very telling. He knew that he was acting outside of generally accepted principles (amoral), and that type of behavior may be confusing to other people.
That being said, there is no sin in wearing pink vs. blue or blue vs. pink. And I don’t think you committed any egregious parenting crime by any means of the imagination. However, it does seem that you’ve made your son’s costume into a social/political issue that you have, not him. All parents from any walk of life, should be careful of making into a social/political issue, something that is very innocent. By suggesting to the world wide web that you son may be gay is a personal family issue, that should not be released to the general public without his consent, and not at all merited by his actions.
Furthermore, I think we all have to be careful of allowing other people their own opinions. Those women have every right to their opinion, ignorant or not. And had they approached you in private, I’m sure you would have been much more tolerant of their beliefs. I don’t think it’s healthy, though, to seek revenge, period. Better, I think, to treat them as you would have them treat you (and your son). Quietly forgive them on the spot, and move forward with your life. They may have embarrassed you and your son in front of a few classmates, but you have now embarrassed them in front of the world. Finally, there’s no need to indict Christianity in their actions. I believe that creates an insecure environment for that particular social group to voice their opinions.
Warm Regards,
LE
I think an important thing to note about criticizing her expression of her feelings so publicly, is that it isnt just her son who wants to do atypical things and it has become a real problem that controlling powers (like Christianity) have pushed on mothers like her. She is one voice out of a thousand silent ones who say nothing and might not agree but are complicit in letting bullying and intolerance persist in society.
Thank God she “embarassed them in front of the world”…they deserved it. No one should just “shut up and walk away” when a bunch of concern trolls are bleating on about a sweet kid trying to dress up like a girl. It’s judgemental, homophobic and wrong. When are people going to join the 21st century? If he dressed up as Will Smith from Men In Black, would it be okay if we bagged on this kid because he wanted to dress up as a black guy?