The other night Peanut and I were watching a random episode of Project Runway [don't hate]. Actually I walked in the living room and looked up at the TV to see a commercial for a made for TV Lifetime Original. I asked Peanut what she was doing. She said she was watching PR. Anyway, we used to be religious about it and watch it on the nights that the Detective is working or out on the town [read: most nights], but we haven’t gotten into it much since it moved over to the lady channel.
Which brings me to the point of this post [about time]. During one of the breaks there was a commercial for Juntos, which we all know is Spanish for “inappropriarte information to give to a 10 year old.”
So it is going ON and ON and ON and I am just sitting there waiting for Peanut to ask me, “WTF?” only, you know, in a way that a fourth grader would. I am pretty sure the commercial was about an hour and fifteen minutes long.
It had a lot to say about dryness and moistness and lady things.
And pleasure. *sigh.
And I am sweating balls. Ok, not balls. [Can chicks sweat balls?] Whatever, so I’m am really trying to figure out what to say. We have already had the basic sex talk. She knows the names of parts and that Part A fits in with Part 2 etc. And that is how babies are made. I try not to get all freaked out about the basics but what the hell am I supposed to say about PERSONAL FREAKING LUBRICANT! I was dying.
And then finally, slowly, an end to my torment.
She looks over at me. A confused look on her brow. Her mouth starts to open. The words begin to tumble out. A bead of sweat slowly rolls down my face.
“Mom, what’s…”
Oh God! What do I say? Where is the remote? Why didn’t I change the channel? This is it. I am about to discuss vaginal moisture with my daughter.
“Mom, what’s for dinner?”
Once while watching family Guy with my son I was asked the following questions:
1. What’s a sperm donor
2. How do the get it in the cup
3. How do they get it in the woman
4. Do they really call it a Turkey baster or did you make that up
5. What an STD
6. Can I wear 2 condoms
7. How many condoms can I wear at one time Cuz i dont want an std
8. So…. its OK to masturbate as long as I don’t use your good lotion?
We covered a lot. I was a good mom. Informative. Honest. Understanding. But I swear if I ever have to do That again I will die.
So…what was for dinner?
That’s hilarious! What’s up with all these inappropriate commercials during “family” time. Don’t they know Project Runway is a time when mothers and daughters can bond? I guess they think they’re providing us with another bonding moment.
that’s awesome. i’m pretty sure in my house it will be an awkwardly worded question from one of the boys about either erectile disfunction or the ‘do you find yourself stopping and starting your urine?’ commercials that air constantly.
Okay, that’s some FUNNY ish!
I *hate* those hour and fifteen minute long commercials:)
…and who can think about dinner after seeing that commercial?