Funniness

Posted: August 27, 2010 by Cop's Wife in Uncategorized

Upon hearing of Harold Dow’s death, Peanut turns to me and says, “Cause of death?”

Bubba/Boo calls corn on the cob “corn-obba-cob.”

Squirt/Slim while watching a hair dye commercial referring to ‘natural beauty’ : “NATURAL BOOTY?!?”

Boo on Easter after sticking a plastic egg in his pants and opening it: “I just cracked my pants!” (it sounded VERY similar to “I crapped my pants!”

Boo, also on Easter, while looking in his basket: “Alls that’s left is crappy eggs.”

Squirt, at almost every meal: “I got nothing for to eat!”

Squirt, while going through a list of movie options: “I want black booty!” (To set the record straight, the movie was actually Black Beauty)

Boo, upon the occasion of my 35th birthday: “You don’t look 35. You look like 60 pounds.”

Peanut after mispronouncing something: “I’m making up words like Sarah Palin.”

* The above picture was taken from my kitchen window. One afternoon when I was at my wit’s end with the shorties, something caught my eye. Looked out the window and there was this smiley face helium balloon that had become stuck in a bush out front. It blew away right after taking this picture. I think it was a sign.

Done

Posted: August 24, 2010 by Cop's Wife in accomplished

  • canceled my monthly childcare at the gym seeing as how I never take the kids to the gym anymore (actually I never take myself to the gym either
  • went to Moon Marble with Goldilocks and the kids
  • went to the zoo with one of my Book Club Bitches and her 3 kids
  • went to see How To Train Your Dragon with my shorties, Goldilocks, her shorties, and her 2 nephews
  • impromptu family trip to Worlds of Fun
  • took one of Emily Darling’s yoga classes and felt fantastic
  • signed Bubs up for soccer
  • took the kids and volunteered at VBS
  • joined a church
  • had my hair trimmed
  • bought a ton of shampoo at the Beauty Brands liter sale
  • What have you checked off your to-do list lately?

Anyone want a 3 year old boy?

Posted: July 26, 2010 by Cop's Wife in slim/squirt, trials & tribulations

Sure, he looks super cute and his laugh melts hearts, but he’s turned into a bit of a… how shall I put it? Asshole.

He is in the thick of potty training and seems to hold it until he can pee all over something I really don’t want him to pee all over.

He screams “Goddamn!” while running amok through stores.

He runs into traffic giggling diabolically.

He gets out of his room a hundred times a night.

He tells the Detective that he doesn’t love him.

He’s added “What the hell?” to his list of things he says that are totally inappropriate.

He hides silently in the middle of clothing racks until we truly begin to thinks he’s been abducted.

He pours water out of the bathtub.

He steps into the toilet.

He dumps every single piece out of every single board game and puzzle that we own. Then stirs.

He unbuckles his car seat while we are driving.

He dumps out a Costco bag of Cheerios all over the house, tiny dust and all.

He tries to flush half a roll of toilet paper and giggles when it overflows.

He tries to clean up a poopy accident that results in just smearing it into several places in the carpet.

He does not follow any instructions. None.

He doesn’t like to get dressed. Or wear anything from the waist down.

Facebook Friday – July 23, 2010

Posted: July 23, 2010 by Cop's Wife in facebook friday

Cop’s Wife: How old are your bath towels?

Lori S: You are so funny! Many of them are 14 years old as we received them as wedding gifts. I commented a few summers ago that in today’s world we should receive anniversary gifts as so few people stay together anymore so my Mother-in-Law bought us some new ones.

Tara S: I have some from our wedding 8 yrs ago and maybe some older than that. LoL

Leah: Mine are 12+, which begs the question, ‘why don’t we get new ones more often’? They lose so much fluff and volume, they are not that expensive, AND you can tell yourself that a shelter dog someplace needs that old towel SO much more than you do! Win win! Maybe some shopping later!

Angela B: I think the newest towels I have are probably 18 months. The rest…much, much older.John C: Too old…. We are trying to use them as long as possible….

Lilly W: From 10 years to 2mo. So how long more can I hold on to them?

Cop’s Wife: Well, this question came to me as I was using 8 year old towels to scrub a three year old’s poop out of the carpet. I thought, “Why do I still have these?” Then I realized I still have the towels I bought to use in the dorms in ’93 (though those are specifically for dog bathing now). I did however buy some new ones today before I posted this and before I knew I’d be cleaning up doopage. The ones I’ve been using regularly are @ 3-5 years old. I thought I was pretty good about clearing them out and donating to the animal shelter, but alas, I am failing in that department as in so many others.Marnie E: Funny you should ask… we just bought new bath towels tonight! Prior to that our bath towels we’re ~3yrs. We have towels from when I was in grade school (dog towel use and other icky things) and beyond! :) I don’t know really why we have so many frickin’ towels though to be honest AND the ones we’re replacing today will go in the linen closet too- I call myself a pack rat!

CPA: I still have my dorm towels too! They are the towels we use when our other towels are all in the wash. The towels we usually use are about 3 or 4 years old. And I still have the towels from when we got married. Those are our guest towels – they hardly ever get used so they are still fluffy.

Average Jane: I still have a few that are now 20 years old. My most recent ones date back from our recent (a few years ago) bathroom remodel. However, I’ve learned my lesson about buying crappy Target towels and I’ll be replacing them fairly soon.

Trish O: You crack me up!!! I think that I have cleared the towels out before Jeff and I got married. Why don’t we update these more often? They really aren’t expensive when compared to the other junk we buy!

Goldilocks: Most of ours were bought when we moved to this house a little over 4 years ago, but there are a few we have still have that we received for our wedding over 7 years ago. They all seem to be in pretty good shape still, but I am in the market for a new set for the main level bathroom that I’ll eventually get to match a new shower curtain — when I find one I like!

So seriously, how old are your towels?

What I’m Reading – July 22, 2010

Posted: July 22, 2010 by Cop's Wife in books

From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. Family tragedy is healed by domestic routine in this quiet, tender memoir. When his daughter Amy died suddenly at the age of 38 from an asymptomatic heart condition, journalist and novelist Rosen-blatt (Lapham Rising) and his wife moved into her house to help her husband care for their three young children. Not much happens except for the mundane, crucial duties of child care: reading stories, helping with schoolwork, chasing after an indefatigable toddler who is the busiest person I have ever known, making toast to order for finicky kids. Building on the small events of everyday life, Rosenblatt draws sharply etched portraits of his grandchildren; his stoic, gentle son-in-law; his wife, who feels slightly guilty that she is living her daughter’s life; and Amy emerges as a smart, prickly, selfless figure whose significance the author never registered until her death. Rosenblatt avoids the sentimentality that might have weighed down the story; he writes with humor and an engagement with life that makes the occasional flashes of grief all the more telling. The result is a beautiful account of human loss, measured by the steady effort to fill in the void. (Feb. 16)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

I loved this book. It was funny and heartbreaking and sweet and sad. It was so real and sometimes raw and sometimes sugarcoated. I made the mistake of reading it on the car ride home from Madiline the Great’s funeral. (that’s what my shorties called my paternal grandmother) Thus there were times I was trying not to sob while getting ready to pump gas or take the shorties to the bathroom. It really made me  think about how different the lives of my kids would be if something happened to the Detective or me.

I passed it on to Goldilocks who read it right away and liked it as well. It is very short and easy to read. Highly recommend.

I’m trying to stop checking out a ton of books that I will never be able to read in a month and then not reading any of them and having to renew or return. I’ve decided to try to finish the ones I have, then check out one at a time and supplement with already owned books (of which I have several hundred) and free Kindle books (of which there are a gajillion),

Library check outs:
The weed that strings the hangman’s bag : a Flavia de Luce mystery / Bradley, C. Alan
The immortal life of Henrietta Lacks / Skloot, Rebecca
The devil and Sherlock Holmes : tales of murder, madness, and obsession / Grann, David
Home safe : a novel / Berg, Elizabeth
Shiver / Stiefvater, Maggie
Dissolution / Sansom, C. J.
The love poems of Rumi